he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
