i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
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