Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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