Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
