final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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