He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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