I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
