drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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