i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
