I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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