Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
