it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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