True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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