Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
