he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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