There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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