I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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