Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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