This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
