Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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