I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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