So drunk its hurt
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?