remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday