I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.