I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
