"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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