She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
