did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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