I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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