the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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