Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
