yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
