Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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