She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
