he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
