I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
