I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
