shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
