You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
