Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
