Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.