so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.