you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.