I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
