my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"