I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
