when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
