remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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