I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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