I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
