I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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