i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
