I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
