thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
