His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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