i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
