Betty ford says i'm here all night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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