I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
