Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
