put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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