ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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