You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
