fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
